i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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