My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Randomize
