Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
