And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
