I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
