You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
