so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
