Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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