hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
