Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
