I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
