wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
