Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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