I puked a lego.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
