you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
