What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
