I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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