PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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