Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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