Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
