Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
