god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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