I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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