Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
