Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
