WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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