Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
