So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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