She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
