Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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