It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
