Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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