Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
