Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
