the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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