3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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