the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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