I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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