She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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