dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
