New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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