I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
