everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
