I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
