I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
