i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
