proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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