After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
