How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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