I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We got so high we made milksteak
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
