We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
