College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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