I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We don't watch enough power rangers
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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