what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
