I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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