Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
