btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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