believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
