I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
