just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
